Sometimes it is best to stop what you are doing, drop all chores, clear your mind, and take a good hard look at yourself.
Is this the person you want to be? Are you doing the things you need to do? Do you have the people you love around?
I do. I am. I have worked and waited for this phase of my life for awhile now. It's not perfect, and neither am I. But it's pretty damn close. My children are healthy, happy and beautiful. My husband is still my soulmate. My cat is getting fatter and sweeter every day. I live in the most progressive, liberal and cool part of California. I have the privilege to take photos and to write for a living. I am going home to Bulgaria this summer to see my family, and things are looking up. My braces are starting to work, I lost most of the baby weight, and I am free to think thoughts and feel feelings and create things. Isn't this incredible!!!
Sure, I'd love to buy a Hasselblad or drive a Tesla, visit NYC and Peru; and most of all I'd love to be able to write full time and build a singular, sound and successful career with it. I dream about many things and I want so much more, always more, and I want it immediately if possible. But when I look at myself in the mirror I understand that I am a happy person because I have the opportunity to dream of those things, and the chance to get them one day.
I find happiness in the search of enlightenment, in realizing that I must buy a new car seat and an AC unit for the nursery this year instead of a luxury electric sedan or an expensive retro camera...and that it's really not a big deal. Because the things I truly care about I already have.